- nanner, fridgerated
- messa blueberries, frozen
- bricka tofu, slimy
- messa chia seeds
- something crunchy and sweet for topping (optional, but let’s be honest, not optional)
throw everything but the topping, or even the topping, if you want — it’s your moose, after all — into your big-ass blender.* turn that mess on to whatever you speed for however long you want. blend it till it’s the consistency you like. again, it’s your moose. I like to blend the crap out of it until the tofu is fully incorporated. pour it into whatever drinking vessel you want to use. or straight outtatha blender. again, your moose. top it with crunchies if you need a little bite and sweetness. I use kashi go lean because we always have that around and it’s so freakin’ sweet a little goes a long way. slurp it up or spoon it out and have as much as you like. I pour out a big mug and put the leftovers in the fridge for some other time. or give the rest to your dogs — no crunchies for them. this thing already has a ton of fructose.
the moose is cold as heck. if your toothpaste for sensitive teeth isn’t working, you’ll know. i eat it with a big spoon until I’m full of it. then i run around for 20 minutes like a child who’s had too much sugar because i am and i have.
I do miss the tang yogurt would impart. i do not miss seeing the face of that helpless, terrified year-old calf who has known only fear and misery and longing in line for the man who traps him by his sides, ties a chain around his back feet, slits his throat, and hoists him upside down onto a conveyer to bleed to death into a channel on the cement floor, in agony and terror, having never known love or comfort.
* nothing fancy. if you don’t blend clay regularly and don’t want to spend a lot of money, a Ninja does the trick.