Until just a few minutes ago, I had managed to avoid the most infuriating marketing campaign of all time, that being the Lexus December to Remember year-end event. That cloying sugarplum tinkle that turns into bad Union Square 2 lobby piano jazz. Those annoying gigantic bows. The Talbot and Orvis Stepford couples who emerge from their center hall colonial homes to delight one another with disposable income. (Who’s buying the occasional woman surprising the occasional man? It took them five years to slip that in, but does anyone think they women are driving here?) I hate them. I hate them all. Die, Lexus robots, die!
Lexus robots are second only to the annoying, cloying children that are foisted upon us all with regularity, and during the holidays, without abatement. Children singing, children dancing, children trying to be cute children. To whom does this ploy appeal? Are not parents enchanted with the true wonderment that is their own offspring? Do they, perhaps, subconsciously listen more intently because they’ve trained their brains to be especially attuned to the sound of children, even fake ones manipulated by the black friday marketing machine? WHO LIKES THESE THINGS? They set my teeth on edge, and none more so than the poster child for the master race, the Clara automaton for the Pacific Northwest Ballet. At some point in our lives, we should be opted out from things that incent us not to purchase, but to riot. Big media, you’re not mollifying this mass. Where is my session memory for NWCN Channel 2? I *never* click The Nutcracker!